Misli postajajo jaz
Ko mislim temno, negativno, te misli potem postanejo del mene. Postanejo moj novi jaz. Osredotočenost na slabo privlači slabo. Tako več slabih misli pritegne še več slabih misli. Vendar če to velja za temne misli, potem dobre, pozitivne misli privlačijo množico dobrih, pozitivnih misli. Kako pa naj spremenim temno v svetlo? Verjetno z osredotočenostjo in usmerjeno pozornostjo. Pri temnih mislih je to veliko lažje, saj ni potrebe po osredotočenosti, ker se te kar same pojavljajo. Pri pozitivnih mislih pa je potrebna dodatna energija, dodatna osredotočenost, da dosežemo cilj srečnega in polnega življenja. Zagotovo so vse te zadeve lažje dosegljive, če si že v osnovi človek, ki je pozitiven in nagnjen k pozitivnemu razmišljanju. Za nas, ki pa smo malo bolj črnogledi, takšne zadeve predstavljajo težavo, saj se je veliko lažje prepustiti črnogledemu, temačnemu razmišljanju – katastrofiziranju.
Včeraj sem obiskal dedka na pokopališču in se tokrat prvič na glas poslovil od njega. Rekel sem: »Ata, pogrešam te.« Oči so se mi zasolzile, ker ga res pogrešam in ne morem verjeti, da ga ni med nami že skoraj 15 let. Spomnim se, kako sva enkrat jeseni skupaj na vikendu pekla kostanj. Najprej sva zakurila kupček suhega lesa in nato nad ogenj namestila fino tkano kovinsko mrežo. Potem sva na to mrežo položila kostanj. Veste, kaj se je zgodilo? Mreža je bila očitno iz aluminija in se je stopila, kostanj pa je popadal v ogenj. Ne spomnim se, če sva sploh kakšen kostanj pojedla, vendar je to spomin, ki mi nariše nasmeh na obraz.
A ni zanimivo, kako se nam posamezni spomini vtisnejo in ostanejo z nami? Spomnim se tudi začetkov demence pri dedku. Kako sva ležala na kavču in gledala televizijo, on pa me je zamenjal za svojega sina, mojega strica. Takrat sem to pripisal starosti, kasneje pa smo izvedeli, da so bili to znaki demence. V naši družini imamo kar nekaj nevrodegenerativnih bolezni, zato me včasih skrbi, da bi tudi jaz začel pozabljati. No, če bi pozabljal samo slabe stvari, bi si to celo želel. Tako pa bi pozabljal tudi dobre, česar pa nočem.
Thoughts Become Me
When I think dark, negative thoughts, they become a part of me. They become my new self. Focusing on the bad attracts the bad. Thus, more negative thoughts attract even more negative thoughts. However, if this is true for dark thoughts, then good, positive thoughts attract a multitude of good, positive thoughts. But how can I shift from darkness to light? Probably through focus and directed attention. With dark thoughts, this is much easier, as there’s no need for focus – they just appear on their own. Positive thoughts, however, require extra energy, additional focus, to achieve the goal of a happy and fulfilling life. These things are certainly easier to reach if, by nature, you’re a positive person inclined towards positive thinking. For those of us who are a bit more pessimistic, such things represent a challenge, as it’s much easier to surrender to gloomy, dark thinking – catastrophizing.
Yesterday, I visited my grandfather at the cemetery, and this time, for the first time, I said goodbye to him out loud. I said, “Grandpa, I miss you.” Tears filled my eyes because I really miss him, and I can’t believe he’s been gone for nearly 15 years. I remember one autumn, we were at the weekend house roasting chestnuts together. First, we started a small fire with dry wood and then placed a finely woven metal mesh over the flames. Then we put the chestnuts on that mesh. You know what happened? The mesh, apparently made of aluminum, melted, and the chestnuts fell into the fire. I can’t remember if we actually ate any chestnuts, but it’s a memory that brings a smile to my face.
Isn't it interesting how certain memories imprint themselves and stay with us? I also remember the beginnings of my grandfather’s dementia. We would lie on the couch watching TV, and he would mistake me for his son, my uncle. At the time, I attributed it to age, but later we learned that these were signs of dementia. In our family, we have quite a few neurodegenerative diseases, so sometimes I worry that I might start forgetting things too. Well, if I only forgot the bad things, I would actually wish for it. But then I would also forget the good things, and that I don’t want.
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