Day one

Travme preteklosti, jaz prihodnosti?

Ali nas travme iz preteklosti res tako močno definirajo v sedanjosti? Ta misel se mi neprestano plete po glavi. Ali je imelo to, da sem imel težko otroštvo in da sem bil neprestano ustrahovan v osnovni šoli, tako močan vpliv na moj razvoj? Ponovno ugotavljam, da večina ljudi, ki jih poznam, meni, da mi nič ne manjka, da sem jo dobro odnesel, bi rekli. Če tega ne kažem na zunaj, še ne pomeni, da mi nič ne manjka. Vsi se spomnimo znanega igralca in komika Robina Williamsa. Kdo bi mislil, da se bori z depresijo in kdo bi mislil, da bo storil samomor? Točno tako, nihče od nas ne ve, kakšne travme in notranje boje doživljajo naši soljudje.

Moje otroštvo definira moj sedanji odziv na stresne dogodke, definira moj strah pred smrtjo, moj strah pred škodoželjnostjo ljudi in definira moj vsakdan. Ker sem v otroštvu živel v pomanjkanju in nestanovitnosti, me zdaj straši misel, da bi ponovno doživel to temeljno pomanjkanje. Vse povežem s tem strahom, ki me hromi. Težko sprejmem dejstvo, da drugi ne razmišljajo ves čas o tem, kako bi mi škodovali. Čeprav je res tudi to, da imajo ljudje včasih preveč časa in so lahko škodoželjni. Vendar se ponovno vrnemo k negotovosti prihodnosti. Sprejeti moram, da nisem jasnoviden in da ne morem predvideti prihodnosti. Napačno je tudi razmišljanje, da bi bilo zdaj bolje, če bi se v preteklosti drugače odločil. Kako pa lahko to vem? Mislim, kako sem lahko prepričan, da bi bilo bolje? Ne morem, in tudi vi ne morete. Lahko pa se vsi potrudimo, da smo bolj razumevajoči do soljudi. Vsi imamo kdaj pa kdaj slab dan. Seveda pa to ne pomeni, da moramo sprejemati njihovo slabo vedenje, temveč se moramo naučiti postaviti meje, tj., razlikovati med slabim dnem in navadnim slabim vedenjem. Tudi jaz se še učim tega...

Traumas of the past, me of the future?

Do traumas from the past really define us so strongly in the present? This thought constantly runs through my mind. Did the fact that I had a difficult childhood and that I was constantly bullied in elementary school have such a strong impact on my development? Again, I find that most people I know believe that I’m fine, that nothing is missing, that I got through it well, as they would say. Just because I don’t show it outwardly doesn’t mean that nothing is missing. We all remember the famous actor and comedian Robin Williams. Who would have thought that he was battling depression, and who would have thought that he would commit suicide? Exactly – none of us know what kind of traumas and inner battles our fellow human beings are going through.

My childhood defines my current response to stressful events, it defines my fear of death, my fear of people's malice, and it defines my everyday life. Because I lived in scarcity and instability as a child, I now fear that I will experience that fundamental lack again. I connect everything with this fear that paralyzes me. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that others don’t constantly think about how to harm me. Although it’s also true that people sometimes have too much time and can be malicious. But again, we return to the uncertainty of the future. I must accept that I’m not clairvoyant and that I cannot predict the future. It’s also wrong to think that if I had made different decisions in the past, things would be better now. How do I know that? I mean, how can I be sure that things would be better? I can't, and neither can you. However, we can all try to be more understanding toward others. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. Of course, that doesn’t mean we should accept their bad behavior, but we must learn to set boundaries – that is, to distinguish between a bad day and simply bad behavior. I’m still learning this myself...